30 April 2010

Friday Ramblings: Reality v/s Romance

Lynette's Top Ten List:
Items that sound Hot in Romance Novels but not in Real Life:

10.  Extremely Alpha/Domineering Males:

(Come on, even Robert Pattinson admitted that Edward should be slapped with a restraining order. BTW, am I the only person who thinks he looks creepy even when he's trying not too?)

09: Menages:

(Frankly whenever I read about a menage in a romance novel, I can't help but thinking of what the Supermodel Jenny Shimuzi said on an episode of Make Me a Supermodel. It was something to the effect of: "Take my word for it. Never do a menage, someone is always left feeling like the third wheel.)

08. Men Shaving the VaJayJay

(Okay, I love the hubster, but the thought of him getting near my VaJayJay with a Bic and some shaving creme, scares the crap out of of me.)

07.  BDSM
(Need I say more? Because of course nothing says I love you like a man pouring hot wax on you and breaking a whip on your booty - or other body parts.)

06: Morning Sex
(Just what I always wanted - a kiss to die for [literally] first thing in the morning when your breath is all stank.)

05: Sexing on the Run
(I can't imagine anything making me want to have sex more than running for my life.)
*Speaking of, on a personal note: Years ago when I was in the military stationed in Honduras, myself and another soldier (who I happened to be dating at the time) got sent out to pick up some civilian doctors who had come to the country for humanitarian work. We got lost as heck on tiny narrow roads on the side of mountains and our truck broke down. Neither of us spoke Spanish. The Hondurans were very excited to see two Americans in a broke down car. They leaned out their car windows and yelled at us. And these were the nice ones. Others had guns that they brandished at us. To make a long story short, when we finally made it back to base, the guy turned me and said. "Lynette, I know you don't drink, but we're getting drunk tonight." So we went to his room, listened to rap music, and got rip roaring drunk over vodka and juice. He walked me back to my room where later that night I rolled over in my bed (yes, I was alone, PERVS) and puked over my copy of Mary Jo Putney's Shattered Rainbows (the original release, I think she's re-issuing that series now). Anyhoo, I can tell you, sex wasn't on either of our minds that night. Just saying.

And yes it is weird that I remember the exact book that I was reading at that time. Sue me!

04: I Love You To Death
I think it's very degrading that the man that I've been doing the nasty with doesn't realize that I'm the one he wants to spend his life with until I either get beat up, shot, or save him from some god awful fate. I'm thinking that he should've known me, my feelings for him, and my charecter before I had to nearly die. Just sayin'

03: Can you get that Spider for me?
Okay, this one is a little vague. But I mean when the man comes into the picture and the heroine acts like she can't do anything withougt her man's guidence, or he comes in and trys to control the situation. I'm a grown woman not a child. 'Ya hear?

02: Sex on the Beach (or the equivalent)
Maybe I'm getting old. But the thought of having sex on the beach isn't fun. I mean, can you imagine all the places the sand can get into. It's the same for sex in the jungle, sex when you're funky. Etc, etc., etc. And speaking of what if you stepped in an ant pile or something and . . .. Okay, let me stop putting thoughts in your head.

01: Rimming

Go on Wikepedia and look it up. Better pictures, but I didn't dare post them. LOL. Rimming to put it delicately, is when you give the back entrance a tongue bath. Ewwww.

So did I miss anything?
What do you find hot or sexy when you're reading a romance novel but in real life, you're like WTF?

Let me know. Can't wait to hear your comments!

post signature

10 people posted their 2 cents:

Diana (Book of Secrets) said...

LOL!!! Great post. I'd have to agree with all of your choices, especially #1. Yuck, yuck, yuck!

Alie said...

LOL Hilarious, Lynette! ITA with 1, 2, 4, 5 and 10. Good job!

Faith Bookluvr said...

This is great Lynette! Very clever and witty. I really enjoyed it and agree with it all!

Lynette said...

I'm glad you like it. It was fun to do!

dyockman said...

I of course have another one now that you have posted...mind reading. While inherently sexy in PNR....decidedly not so in RL. Who want's their significant other to know every time they damn them to perdition? Not me!

Sarah said...

Ok, the sexing on the run, that is the best story ever and really kind of scary cause I know from studying Honduras how scary it can be. But holy cow. And yeah, the shaving, every time I read about it I have to take a step back and think, um, no, I actually don't want my guy doing that for me, thank you very much.

LaTessa said...

LOL, great post and so true. One of my pet peeves is the endless night of sex-capades, but it really gets the eye roll when it's back to back to back sex-capde nights.

(I mean, really, who does it 6 times a night.... Or maybe it's just me who's the fuddy duddy here) LOL

MamaKitty said...

OMG I seriosly LOL'd at most of these comments. You totally crack me up girl!

I'm probably gonna show my dirty whore side with some of these comments, but I'm ok with that. LOL

10. Extremely Alpha/Domineering Males:
This, for me, ties into the BDSM thing - I like dominant men. I don't like them to think I'm their own personal slave, only there for their amusement, but I do like a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to take control.

09: Menages:
Been there, done that. Wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

08. Men Shaving the VaJayJay
I actually attempted this before & it freaked me out beyond all reason. No, I wouldn't ever do it again. Even if Gerard Butler or Jacob's Abs was on the other end of the razor.

07. BDSM
Ok, I'm not into being whipped or calling someone "Master", but I do like a certain amount of roughness. Hair pulling, biting, scratching... these are ok. Drawing blood is not.

06: Morning Sex
This is what I often refer to as "Starting The Day Out Right". It takes some effort not to breathe in each other's faces, but I love waking up to some awesome Nookie.

05: Sexing on the Run
I can't imagine having sex in the middle of a life-or-death situation, but afterwards I totally can. All that adrenaline pumping through your system? Makes for great smex.

04: I Love You To Death
Yeah, I'd get pissed off if it took me dying for him to admit that he loves me. That's just stupid & I'd call him a chickenshit to his face.

03: Can you get that Spider for me?
There is nothing I hate more than a wimpy heroine. Not only will I kill the spider, but I'll also kill the snake, the mountain lion who's after us, and probably the Big Bad Man who wants to kill me too. I'm badass that way.

02: Sex on the Beach (or the equivalent)
Been there, done that - on a beach in Barbados (beautiful there!). Wasn't entirely unpleasant, but I was also pretty freaking drunk at the time.

01: Rimming
Never. kthxbai.

Lynette said...

@mamakitty LOL. ROTFLMAO.

Twimom227 said...

This was a fantastic post!!! thank you so much!!

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"Do you see, Solange, that you are the only woman in my world? The one woman who can choose life or death for me. You are the center of my world and you always will be. When I tell you that your pleasure is mine, I mean that literally"— Christine Feehan



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