19 May 2010

REVIEW: Lover Mine by J.R. Ward (My Notes)

Book Title: A NOVEL OF THE BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD: LOVER MINE
Author Name: J.R. Ward
ISBN #: 978-0-451-22985-4
Publisher Name: New American Library
Date Released: May 2010
Genre: Paranormal Romance/Urban Fantasy
Book Format: Print

BACK COVER BLURB:

In the darkest corners of the night in Caldwell, New York, a conflict like no other rages. Long divided as a terrifying battleground for the vampires and their enemies, the city is home to a band of brothers born to defend their race: the warrior vampires of the Black Dagger Brotherhood.

John Matthew has come a long way since he was found living among humans, his vampire nature unknown to himself and those around him. After he was taken in by the Brotherhood, no one could guess what his true history was – or his true identity. Indeed, the fallen Brother Darius has returned but with a different face and a very different destiny. As a vicious personal vendetta takes John into the heart of the war, he will need to call upon both who he is now and who he once was in order to face off against evil incarnate.

Xhex, a symphath assassin, has long steeled herself against the attraction between herself and John Matthew. Having already lost one lover to madness, she will not allow the male of worth fall prey to the darkness of her twisted life. When fate intervenes, however, the two discover that love, like destiny, is inevitable between soul mates.

FIRST LINES:

Mother fucking butterfly. As R.I.P. looked at what was coming through the door of his tat shop, he knew he was going to end up doing another fucking butterfly. Or two.



LYNETTE'S TWO CENTS:

Okay. There are many reviews of LOVER MINE out there. So I'm not even going to go there. What I'm going to do is give my thoughts on what was going through my mind as I read each chapter and no offense there are a lot of chapters. Hope I don't bore you to tears. And beware, my filter is off.

YES, I have a filter. Not much of one, but I have a little filter. But I honestly just re-typed my notes.

At the very least you'll get a look inside my mind and see why my reviews are often rambling and cuckoo for cocoa puffs!


Umm, I tried to be spoiler free, but I might've missed something!



Prologue:
The one before John Matthew. Oh, so that's where the name Tehrror came from.

Chapter 1:
Where is the action? Who is R.I.P.? Who cares? Oh JM is getting a tattoo but couldn't we see more of that than the little girl crap? Why isn't this in JM's POV?

Oh BTW, I'm liking Xhex. Props to J.R. Ward for making me care right away.

Chapter 2:
She used the word bromance. Really. She did. LOL.

WTF. They found out who Lash's Daddy was? I don't remember them finding out. Been awhile, but I didn't think they knew who his daddy was.

WHAT! No product placement yet! If there has been, it's not as obvious as usual.

Chapter 3:
Awww. Here we go, PRODUCT PLACEMENT!

Chapter 4:
Where JM goes outside the brothers for answers.

Chapter 5:
Where Qhuinn tries to cock block Blay. I don't want you but no one else can have you.

Chapter 6:
Damn Xhex, my heart is breaking for you girl!

Chapter 7:
JM throws a pity party.

Chapter 8:
Backstory. Darius and Tohrment. Yawn!

Chapter 9:
Product placement and crap that doesn't move the story forward and I want JM and Xhex. It better be good!

Chapter 10:
JM has a wet dream that has nothing to do with the plot. We know you love and miss Xhex it's been mentioned in every scene you're in. This is overkill.

BTW, is it important to know which brand of soap each character prefers? In case you're interested, JM likes Ivory and Xhex likes Dial. Do you care? I don't!

Qhuinn needs a clue but Blay needs to man up!

Chapter 11:
Where JM and Lash act stupid!

Chapter 12:
JM is as bad as Lash – ewww.

Still waiting for something to happen. I’m bored right now and it's taking too long to read.

Chapter 13:
Boy fight that resembles a girl fight, but its funny!

Chapter 14:
Found house! Finally. Do you see what freaking chapter I'm on right now.

Chapter 15:
Powerful. Why can't the whole book be like this? The famous JM break down and Xhex in the room but he doesn't know scene!

Chapter 16:
JM loses his mind. Why has it taken so long for the story to start? It's finally starting!

Chapter 17:
Here comes the plot. Wish I didn't have to read over one hundred pages for it to happen!

Chapter 18:
I like Payne.

Chapter 19:
Xhex escapes. I like that she wasn't rescued. I like that she doesn't need a man to get her out of a fix. Well done Ms. Ward! Your upping your game, girl!

Chapter 20:
Flashback. Awww. I know who No'One is, it's pretty obvious if I do say so myself!

Chapter 21:
Reunited.

Chapter 22:
Love without words . . . F—K is she . . . –can't tell you it'll be a spoiler, but it's a crappy little tease anyway.

Chapter 23:
Okay, what vamp is hiding in the attic.

Chapter 24:
Lash crap. Who cares?

Chapter 25:
Where Xhex breaks my heart and I fall in love with JM.

Chapter 26:
Stupid side plot. Just tell us who the vamp is, you could do this in a different way!

Chapter 27:
More Lash crap.

Chapter 28:
Where it looks like someone is finally going to get laid.

Chapter 29:
Sweetest thing ever.

Chapter 30:
Back story that's dragging and I have no interest in reading about.

Chapter 31:
Boring subplot crap.

Chapter 32:
Competition for m/m love.

Chapter 33:
Love is blossoming

Chapter 34:
Stop pussyfooting about the m/m love. Just do it!

Chapter 35:
Boring back story.

Chapter 36:
JM showing Xhex his history.

Chapter 37:
To Ms. Ward's editors. I know she sells but there's no excuse for all this boring subplot crap. Reign her in please!

Chapter 38:
Boring Lash crap. This book is taking too freaking long to read and I haven't even gotten to the interesting relationship stuff yet. WTF. It's been over 24 hours. Not a pleasant reading experience.

Chapter 39:
JM learns what happens to Xhex and loses his freaking mind (think of Tohr).

Chapter 40:
PRODUCT PLACEMENT GALORE! And Qhuinn needs to stop fronting.

Chapter 41:
JM is pulled back into sanity by his boy. Bromance rocks! (Yes I was being sarcastic.)

Chapter 42:
Just get to the point with the boring subplot crap already. This is too long and drawn-out. I'm getting annoyed!

Chapter 43:
SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE. Back story crap!


We are going to take a short break.

Look below. I went on Google Images and typed in the name of neighborhood where I grew up. Imagine rows and rows and rows of these ugly townhouses. This the 'hood where I lived until I escaped into the Army, but since my mom only had me, I didn't get to live in these ugly townhouses (you needed at least 3 kids or a boy and a girl to live in the townhouses). I lived in the even uglier rows and rows of apartment buildings across the street that no one wanted to take a picture of. This is Google's attempt of making the projects look nice. This is the edge of the projects. Those houses behind it is actually abandoned. They didn't take pictures of the ones with the boarded windows and stuff. Anyhoo, my mother doesn't live there anymore so I haven't been back there in years, I recently read that they razed the neighborhood.

Yes, I have a point. Scroll below.




Chapter 44:
Filled with ridiculous phrases that as a black woman who grew up in the projects in the late '80's early '90's has never, ever, ever, heard people use. Granted I spent a lot of that time with my face stuck in a book but still. Also, as I work in a police department and often type transcripts of interviews, I never heard any of the little rugrats nowadays use that language. Also, isn't it pretty ridiculous that vampires that are over 400 years old talk like this? Just sayin' BTW, kids now do say sayin' without the g and wadn't instead of wasn't. Or, you know what I mean.  (Yes, it sucks to be me and having to type that every five seconds, but the worse are the girls who say like, like every second!) And I also unfortunately hear dawg used several times, but even then not as much as Randy Jackson on American Idol.

Tidbit of the day, people. You can thank me later!

Chapter 45:
JM and Xhex get it on. I hear Marvin Gaye in the background.

Chapter 46:
JM and Xhex sandblast the past away.

WHAT! Yes, I was shocked too. Two consecutive chapters that feature the hero and heroine. Wow, it almost feels like I'm reading a romance novel! Why, yes, I'm being sarcastic.

Chapter 47:

So close. Oh well they were too close, so let's throw a monkey wrench in their plans, screw up their budding relationship and get back to that boring subplot and back story crap! Weeeeeeeeeee

Chapter 48:
Qhuinn feels all lonesome now. Too bad he's got a woman in his bed!

Chapter 49:
Sing with me peeps! Blay and Saxton laying in a bed K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Chapter 50:
Boring Lash crap.

Chapter 51:
Where Xhex realizes she's a dumb ass.

Chapter 53:
Qhuinn's phony butt is jealous as hell. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, and John and Xhex are back to square one.

Chapter 54:
Wow. I’m so surprised. Back story filled with crap that happened centuries ago. I will say it is relevant, but it takes up too many darn pages. Come on already!

Chapter 55:
Brothers go out and kick some butt.

This book is freakin' long. Is it ever going to end?

Chapter 56:
Man down. What would make him feel better, almost make-up sex, that's what!

Chapter 57:
Stupid subplot.

Chapter 58:
JM and Xhex are acting in love but are too dumb to realize it.

Chapter 59:
Back story crap.

Chapter 60:
Uh-oh cliff hanger. Will Blay get laid and by who!

Chapter 61:
Payne loses her freaking mind! Cool!

Chapter 62:
Lash crap and Qhuinn gets his feelings hurt.

Chapter 63:
Father and son get back together again.

Chapter 64:
Sing with me people: There's a meeting in the Brothers' room. We'll be back real soon. . .. Now that's done, let's move out and kick some Lesser booty! Oh, Xhex and Qhuinn lose out!

Chapter 65:
Payne gets her wish, but ouch!

Chapter 66:
Confrontation and we meet again!

Chapter 67:
VENGENCE IS MINE MF!

Chapter 68:
Reunited and it feels so good.

Chapter 69:
More. Sing with me people! Reunited and I understood that there's one perfect thing and sugar this time you're it!

Yes, I've got issues. Sue me! Oh and the annoying, I didn't know what you meant to me until you nearly get yourself killed scene!

Chapter 70:
BACKSTORY! Is this the end! Are you my friend! It seems to me . . . okay, it's almost 1 AM as I'm typing this. Sue me!

Chapter 71:
Tohr remembers! So sad. Will it be cruel of me to say, get over it so we can hook you up with this new person who I have a feeling you're going to be with!

Chapter 72:
SIGH! I was wrong. This isn't the end. More back story!

Chapter 73:
No'one is someone. The one thing I didn't guess! I'm actually surprised! WTG!

Chapter 74:
And they all lived happily ever after and are now demoted to walk-on characters'!!!

And on that note, I'm going to stop. I hope you enjoyed the insight inside the craziness that is Lynette's mind.
 
BTW, I did like this book. Xhex rocked and there was more romance than the last several put together. I actaully believed in the happily ever after. Will the series go back into my must-buy list. NO! But I would pick it up several months from now when I'm trolling Walgreens and the hardback is on the discount table for $5.00, which is how I bought Lover Avenged!

WHERE PURCHASED:
Borrowed from my local library.

RATING:
C - Nice Story. I probably won't re-read it.



post signature

12 people posted their 2 cents:

Reena Jacobs said...

Awesome cliff notes. My sentiments exactly. I'm not anxious for the next installment, but I still want to see how the story plays out. It'll be one of those books which I'll get around to when I get around to.

Leontine said...

I love to venture in your brain Lynette, I really do, it always makes me smile!!

ErotRomReader (Janna) said...

Wow! For these and other crazy insights in your mind ;) I have an award for you at my place:

http://erotromreader.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-lovin-last-five-books-i-read.html

*hugs*

Fiction Vixen said...

Great post Lynette! LOL. I guess my library is the only one that NEVER has new releases. I'm jealous.

Lynette said...

Thanks guys! I was worried about posting this. It's one thing for people to think you're insane, it's quite another to put it out there and prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt! LOL.

Janna - thanks for the award, I just did a post like that, so I can't think of any other bloggers that accept awards to do it again!

Vixen - That's because it's a big release. The non NYT authors in Romance is harder to get as a new release at my library, but I have been know to send the person who buys the fiction at my library packets filled with romance statistics and popular blog sites so he knows that hey, we're the biggest reading group in the world, so he better get busy. See we're back to the insane part! LOL!

Seriously, whoever orders the YA stuff at my library is awesome. I'm trying to bring the person who buys Romance up to the same speed!

SarahT said...

OMG that made me laugh! Thank you, Lynette. I still haven't made it past page 6. I suspect your notes are far more entertaining than the book itself. :D

MsM said...

LOL
I gave up on the series after the last book - too much stupid subplots that are boring. The first four books were great, after that it was all down hill in my opinion.
I loved your notes!

:)

MsM

Dren said...

PRICELESS!! My favorite is:

Chapter 34:
Stop pussyfooting about the m/m love. Just do it!

ROFL Poor Blay...Poor Qhin LOL Love your review!

Christina said...

I think yours is the best review I have read so far of this book. I love the series but I am now 3 books behind so who knows what I will think of it when I get to Lover Mine. I also have an award for you on my blog. Oh, and despite your manic chapter by chapter review I'm giving you the prolific blogger award anyway (or because of it)...how is that for funny? http://crysteena73.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-received-award.html

Diva's Bookcase said...

New review style..! I like it! I've noticed a pattern with Ms Ward. She writes a good book, or two, then she craps out. She'll write another good book, or two, then she'll crap out again. This was half good, and half crappy.

Mar said...

This was hilarious and I loved it. LOVED IT! You are one funny mama. :)

Malea said...

You are too freakin' hilarious for words. This is my favorite review of this book, maybe of any book. Thanks for tellin' it like it is!

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